“I have been living a deceptive life. I am attracted to the same sex,” Derek says. “I was taught that being gay was unnatural, that God doesn’t like gay people. So I trained myself to be who people wanted me to be.”
Derek has done everything in his power to keep his secret—even from his own family, who have shown open hatred toward gay men, he says. Fear of their judgment, along with what his congregation will think, has left him consumed with shame.
In the above video, Iyanla sits down with Derek for the first time and asks him to confront his double life. Watch as he explains what it means to him to be gay—and what scares him the most about his hidden identity.
Mitchell, a 42-year-old pastor, admits to having relationships with men while simultaneously preaching against homosexuality. His duplicity stems from years of wrestling with the fear that his homosexuality would “send him to hell.” It was this same fear that drove him into the ministry years ago, where he hid from his true identity.
“It wasn’t that the appetite wasn’t there, the desire wasn’t there. … It was just that I didn’t give in to the tendencies.”
Mitchell thought he was fully “healed” by his early 30s, and married Tiffany, a 20-year-old single mother of three. The couple then had two children of their own and, seemingly, a happy life together. But two years into the marriage, Mitchell could no longer control his desires and began a string of affairs with men.
When Iyanla first sits down with Mitchell, it’s clear to her that he does not see the impact that his actions have on everyone in his life, from his family to his congregation. Watch the above video as she takes him through an exercise that illustrates how everything is connected. Will he finally understand the damage he’s caused?
Iyanla takes Derek, a closeted gay pastor, to his childhood church so he can confront his religious roots. This is where he reveals that he’s scared of disappointing the people who raised him.
“You’ll lie to them, but you won’t disappoint them,” Iyanla says. “So, standing in the truth of who you are, what are you ready to leave here, leave on these steps, leave in your history, leave in this place?”
“The shame,” Derek says.
Watch the above video as Iyanla helps Derek “step out of the shame” and leave his fears behind him. Plus, Iyanla reveals the next step on his path to healing.
How she found out her Husband was Gay!!Pastor Mitchell has been out of the closet for five years now, but he still has a secret: He hasn’t told his wife about the affairs he’s had.
Before he reveals the truth, Iyanla sits down with his wife, Tiffany, to counsel her. With the emotional health of five kids at stake, Iyanla wants to make sure Tiffany is prepared to work with MItchell on the rough road ahead.
Tiffany reveals that they had been married for about five years when Mitchell told her he was gay. “He started talking about how his understanding of hell had changed, and if he had always had that understanding, he would not have been married…because he would have prefered to be with a man.”
Tiffany says his confession left her feeling hurt, confused and scared for her children. But Iyanla wants to know: Did she ever suspect that he might be gay before he confessed? Watch the above video for her shocking answer.
Did Mitchell Take Advantange of his wife?